Explain

It began with a deep sorrow I had because of my result.
I never had so much frustrations in myself because all this while my results were always perfect so when my SPM result was not as good as before,my morale dropped so low.

But then, I refused to let my result to define me. I was sad, so sad but I refused to acknowledge my feelings so I began to search anything that maybe suited my result.

So I searched, called and mailed any chances I have. Not keeping my hopes high, I just waited .
Then the email came and told me they agreed to accept me as their student. I was thrilled and called my mom. I had a long thought about this and also discussed the matter with my dad.

'Life is a gamble' someone told me that.

At first, my application was rejected from the university because I did not fulfill their criteria, then when the offer came in, they offered to fill the blanks that I have so I fit into the criteria and became one of the students. In other word, they offered rather different from what I first apply but I can reapply when I completed that particular course. So yeah why not.

I felt like a hipster but then why not go crazy while you are young and experience things you never imagined to do. Believe me, I am one of those typical Malaysian who wanted to study in UK, US but then life stirs me into a different direction which I believe and In shaa Allah will strengthen me with Allah and Islam. May success lies ahead me.

I am happy and also scared. I am going on Monday and I bet you can imagine how am i feeling right now. Just promise me that you will include me in your prayers. It is more than enough, I dont know whether I can still do this in China but I'll try.

Till then.

8 days

A week to go when midnight comes

Friends, thank you for coming and the gifts

26 days

I wish I could pull off writing spontaneous in Malay as good as I write in English.
Maybe because I'm used to writing facts in Malay that made me less expressive in Malay.
I always refer English as my Romance language . Cheesy though

Anyway, 26 days left
Well things is going well so far
Except for Malaysian ringgit, which left me in shock just now
I think my Chinese is doing okay but still in need to be polish more
Then next I'm thinking on how to present myself to my future collegemates
Is it the carefree self or newly invented modest self.
I'm not being fake or anything but I want this to be my turning point
To be a better self
Why travel if not Letting yourself undergo changes, right?

Dark side

I was maybe a little too loud on my dream.
This one particular dream of me being a mariner like my dad.

I may ignite some sparks in your young souls
but I feel like I have to tell you this

This dream come with a heavy price,
there's a dark side and truthfully, I am putting myself in gamble.
I refused to let it be acknowledged because I see no point for it to be told to anyone.
I have fear in my heart
but i am willing to face the challenges.

Chase your dreams, that's my mantra
because following it means accepting whatever thrown to you
without sticking up for yourself, your desires.

So I hope you'll get a little motivation.
Pray for my well being and my success.
 

Fear

It has been a while since my last post.
A little bit occupied with the time i had at home
but honestly, all this time at home made me less humane
I'm not cannibalistic yet but spending 9 months
not interacted to the world like you used to before
really did some changes in me.

Anyway, beneath all that
I fear what the future holds for me
All the decisions I had made till today
will it be worthwhile?

I am afraid how the world will accept me
I am afraid of myself
Am I that ready for all of this?

South China Sea

Peeps.
wan'an.
This is me learning Mandarin.
Equipping myself for my next voyage.

Will be sailing across the South China Sea.
for the dreams I have and willing to fulfill.

Pray for me and my well being.
For the one I left, my love never cease
As it go further, it becomes fonder.

Wo xiang nian ni yong yuan.
Jide, ni shi tebie.

Be happy.
Never restrain yourself from anything
Chase your dreams dont follow it
inwei dreams are worth being chase
for it takes us to another place, different life.

Confusion

It is three days away from my birthday.
Well that's not i'm going to write about.

I'm in confusion, not really
but things going on right now is pressuring me

I dont think I really appreciate the interview or anything
I have made my mind, prepare for it and now this happen

You cannot simply strip away all the vision you made me dream,
all the hope I build for myself

Save your thoughts for somebody else.
An opinion from someone who rarely see me even know me
by heart is a 2 cents thoughts that i dont really approve